CASTING COUCH: Lindsay x Liz?

So it's official: the iconic Elizabeth Taylor will be played by the [insert adjective here] Lindsay Lohan. 

I'm quite baffled at this choice, as I was when it was announced that Punk'd star Ashton Kutcher would be playing the enormously influential Apple visionary Steve Jobs in an upcoming biopic. Has someone been fucking around with the water coolers in Hollywood casting offices? No, seriously though.

Last I heard, Lindsay was being iced out of Hollywood and receiving offers for pornos and Youtube web series and that's about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually a huge Lindsay supporter and have hoped wistfully for her return to stardom about an equal amount as I've wished for Brit and Justin to just shut up and get back together already. I think LiLo was once quite talented and a cut above her class of teen stars like Hilary Duff and Amanda Bynes, and when she's not doing the 95-lb strung-out-coked-up-losing-hair-bad-extensions-splotchy-tan thing I think she's strikingly beautiful. 

But isn't this like taking a guy fresh off completing the twelfth step of the AA program and electing him to office the very next week?

I mean, wouldn't some baby steps be maaaybe a good idea before she takes on the role of Elizabeth fucking Taylor, a woman who is commonly hailed as one of the greatest film actresses of all time????????

But hey, what do I know? Lindsay is set to star in the Lifetime Original movie Liz & Dick, which is based on the true story of Taylor's historic romance with actor Richard Burton, and the Lifetime people are gushing over their choice: “We are thrilled Lindsay will portray beloved Hollywood legend Elizabeth Taylor,” says Rob Sharenow, exec VP of Programming @ Lifetime.  “She is one of the rare actresses who possesses the talent, beauty and intrigue to capture the spirit of such a provocative icon.” That's the thing about a gamble - it could tank, but if it manages to not suck, these guys look like geniuses and Sharenow will probably make mad $$$. 

For those who don't know who Liz Taylor and Richard Burton are, first, what the hell is wrong with you? and second, they are Hollywood royalty who met on the set of Cleopatra, left their respective spouses, married, divorced, then re-married, and re-divorced. Their tumultuous roller-coaster rockin' romance was played out in front of the paparazzi and helped define the Hollywood golden era. This was no Kim and Kanye, no Brangelina - Liz and Richard basically EMBODY true love, passion, and romance, and LiLo better not fuck up or I'll be pretty pissed.